Santa Agrees to Yeti Conference
I'm happy to report that our Day of Action succeeded not only in shutting down the Polar Express, but in our larger goal of getting Santa's attention! Chaos reigned at the Polar Express yesterday as our protest disrupted transportation for thousands of arctic residents who were forced to board overcrowded sleds and even don unfashionable snowshoes to reach their destinations. More importantly, we were able to shut down the flow of vital toy making supplies. Not one drop of glue or little airplane propeller made its way to Santa's workshop yesterday! As chaos reached a fever pitch at Polar Express Station, Santa sent word that he would agree to meet to discuss a possible resolution that would bring an end to our protests and restart toy production.
The arctic's Yeti Council has offered to serve as a mediator and will host a meeting with the "Big Three" myself, Rudolph and Santa at Yeti's famed winter cabin. As we meet with Santa, our demands are thus:
- Unconditional surrender of half of all cookies collected this year.
- Reparations in the form of extra frosting and sprinkles.
- A commitment by Santa to invite elves to all future cookie baking parties.
We're confident that with Santa acting in good faith, this meeting will end the cookie inequality we've been fighting against and bring the spirit of the season back to the arctic!